


so i showed up at your party

by cobblestaubrey



Series: c'est la vie [4]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race (US) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:55:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27632393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cobblestaubrey/pseuds/cobblestaubrey
Summary: "Gigi follows the billions of stars in the sky, and asks herself, if one fell, would she notice?"Gigi's still got the park in her heart, and Crystal in her mind.She's not alone.
Relationships: Gigi Goode/Crystal Methyd, Nicky Doll/Crystal Methyd
Series: c'est la vie [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1979863
Comments: 10
Kudos: 22





	so i showed up at your party

**Author's Note:**

> This is shorter than I thought it would be, but it doesn't really matter LOL

Billions of snowflakes are on the ground. Billions. 

Gigi watches one fall, just one, until it melts on the sleeve of her jacket, and slides off of her arm. Then, it’s gone. All gone. 

The park is completely silent, apart from the ragged breaths that Gigi lets out, after holding them in for fun, letting her cheeks become as pink as her nose. She sits on top of the jungle gym, the cacophony of metal below her creaking with the whistle of the wind. 

Something always leads her back here, even as the months grow colder, because it’s no longer Crystal’s. It’s her spot, it’s her park, it’s _her_ life, and she refuses to let her thoughts run rampant during the day. She comes here instead. When her hands grow numb, she feels like she can finally think clearly, evaluating, calculating, understanding things she pushed aside that day. 

That morning she watched Crystal walk the hallway with Nicky, as she did every morning up until then. Nicky was wearing Crystal’s jacket, the one she used to wrap around Gigi’s shoulders last winter. 

A year has passed since then, six months since prom, and a thousand memories sit between these moments. 

She whispers to herself, just little things. She says that Crystal isn’t who she wants, even if she can remember the pair of converse the redhead was wearing when she danced with Nicky. Even if she can remember how Crystal would trail her fingers over one spot on her hip, again and again, until the air around them grew hotter. 

Even if she can remember how close she was to letting Crystal in.

When her thoughts reach that point, they go back in her head. 

Yet, the sounds are no longer confined, but bleeding out into the snow, like a shadow creeping up behind her. They’re not her own, though, they belong to another pair, stepping all over her silence.

Padded steps start calling her name, and suddenly she can hear the lilted notes she once knew far too well. 

“Gigi?” is suddenly spoken behind her. It’s not angry, or accusatory, but it’s something, and instantly Gigi doesn’t feel as protected by the bars of the jungle gym. 

She doesn’t turn around. If she closes her eyes tight enough to see the stars in the sky, she can pretend this isn’t happening, that everything will be fine. 

“What is she doing here?”

 _That stupid fucking accent,_ she thinks, her eye lids and her fists in pain, cutting crescents into her palm. 

“I- I don’t know?”

Neither speak for a second, and it’s too quiet, so Gigi refuses to let out a shaky breath into the air. “Are you lying?” Nicky asks, presumably rocking back and forth by the sound of her feet.

Crystal takes exhales, speaking fast. She stumbles over her words, a marionette with rounded feet. “I mean, we - I used to come here,” she admits. The half lie sizzles in Gigi’s mouth.

“You said,” Nicky quips, growing impatient. 

“And she, um -”

“She _what_?” 

Nicky’s voice is cold. Her temper burns, and suddenly Gigi feels like she can’t breathe, the air going in singes the back of her throat. 

Gigi looks down into the snow, drawing her name with her eyes. 

She once wondered what she would say if Crystal came back. 

She doesn’t, now.

“She came - once!” 

Just once, Crystal lies. 

Is she lying, though? Their entire relationship can be summed up by insanity. Doing the same things over and over again and pretending like you’re happy, and like it could be something different this time. They ran in circles until the hour hand broke, because every event overlapped and felt the exact same way.

The silence is absorbed by the snow. 

“Okay, a lot. She came a lot.”

Then, there’s something akin to a growl, suffocated by the wind. “Yeah?”

She knows.

“But I didn’t invite her!”

Nicky stops moving completely. She lets out a few puffs of air, before she speaks again. Her voice subdues, until it tastes like blood in Gigi’s mouth. “She’s not… She’s not who you were talking about, right?”

She _knows_. 

“When?”

“Don’t play fucking stupid,” Nicky grows closer, making Gigi involuntarily tense. “Your ‘first love’? That broke your heart?” 

No, that’s not Gigi.

That _can’t_ be Gigi. 

“ _No!_ ”

“She _is!_ ” 

Gigi can hear everything click into place in Nicky's head, the soft gasp she emits, the months and months of wondering who Crystal was talking about, the jealously she had for the girl that got to love Crystal first, that broke Crystal's heart, it's all risen to the surface, now. 

Someone chokes on their own tears, but at this point, Gigi’s hands are over her ears, and she can’t distinguish between the notes.

They run in circles, arguing like the other might hear what they say if they yell loud enough. 

The snow flakes stopped falling minutes ago, so Gigi scoops a few of them off of the bars below her, wondering why she hasn't put her earbuds in. 

Finally, the record is scratched, and the pattern is broken. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Crystal’s voice is always so scratchy, so whiny, but it’s never so dissonant. 

Nicky takes a few steps back, and her own voice is thick, broken, so splintered. “Why did you fucking bring me? Did - did you know she was here?”

Crystal’s reaction is immediate, with her whole body, Gigi assumes, with the way the snow is kicked and pummeled. “No! I thought - I didn’t know.”

“Why should I believe you?”

Crystal murmurs something, it’s low, husked out, like her voice can melt the snow. Gigi knows the air is hot around Crystal's mouth, and it kisses gently against Nicky's skin.

“Find out who you want,” is what comes back.

Gigi can’t hear Nicky say anything after, but there’s only one set of footsteps padding through the snow afterwards. 

“Nicky? Nicky!” is all Crystal calls out. “Please!” 

Nicky doesn’t throw anything back. For just a moment, Gigi hopes Nicky is okay. It’s late. 

Crystal doesn’t move for a good few minutes, but Gigi still refuses to turn around. She doesn’t want to see the look Crystal has on her face, or how similar it is to the look she gave Gigi during junior prom. 

She doesn’t want to know if Crystal still loves her. 

The footsteps start up again, but they’re closer, now. Closer, closer, whispering into Gigi’s ears, until they’re right behind the jungle gym. The metal sounds with every hit of a clunky boot, singing along with the scorching wind. 

It’s not sudden, when she realizes Crystal is next to her. 

They’re not touching in any way, Crystal makes sure of it just as much as Gigi does. 

Once upon a time, just the redhead’s presence would comfort Gigi, wrapping her in warmth like a discarded jacket or two. 

Gigi shivers.

“I’m sorry you heard all that stuff,” Crystal mumbles, never turning to look at Gigi. She can see Crystal’s eyes flicker a few times in her direction, but the flame in her eyes that used to the lick the stars in the sky is out. 

Crystal loved her.

Crystal _loved_ her. 

Gigi’s hand twitches, begging, pleading with her to grab Crystal’s own. To turn to her and ask if she still loves her, if she could have one more chance, if they could try one more fucking time. 

But then, Crystal finally turns all of the way, and those butterflies in Gigi’s stomach turn into something that makes her nauseous. The comfort, the contentedness, the _love_ , it disintegrates in stomach acid and leaves her lightheaded. 

For the first time, Gigi doesn’t know what to say to Crystal, and the knowledge churns within her, rising in her throat. She swallows it back down.

The moon isn’t all there, not quite, but it’s just enough to keep Gigi’s path home lit. Gigi follows the billions of stars in the sky, and asks herself, if one fell, would she notice? 

The snow is shoveled off of the sidewalks, so she only steps on fallen leaves as she makes her way back home, letting not a single thought of hers escape. 

She leaves, and Crystal stays.

_What's the opposite of insanity?_

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys like it.


End file.
